I have such mixed feelings. Today we drove Jazzy to the
airport and put her on a plane to the UK. On a one-way ticket. No clue when she’s
going to return but knowing that she’ll never really return to us like it was
before. She’s moved out. I know that this is a rite of passage for any parent.
The first child flying the nest, off to other pastures. It’s the way it should
be. The way it’s always been. But the feeling of loss is already palpable. In
truth it was before she even left. As the day loomed closer over the last week
or so I’d already started to feel a physical pang. A new type of ache. A
feeling of impending loss. And now it already feels like a huge cog in our
lives is missing even though it’s only been a few hours, and she’s been away from us
many times before. I guess it’s the unknowingness of when she’ll return to live
within close proximity. And knowing that whenever she returns to stay with us,
it will likely only be transitory.
But my sadness is countered by an extreme excitement that I
don’t think I’ve ever felt so much for another human being. A European
adventure with no real plans other than for the next couple of months to find
her bearings, but thoughts that involve England and France to begin with. And
undoubtedly Amsterdam. I’m sure the draw there will be strong. No end date
planned. No real expectations or knowing of what lies ahead. No long-term commitments.
An open book. The ability to fly extremely cheaply from London and be in the
most amazing cities with different vibrant cultures and food within a couple of
hours. A dual citizenship that means she can legally live forever in another
country. Beautiful friends and family dotted around to offer her places to stay, and
a guiding hand should she ever need it. For that I am extremely grateful.
My little bird. So graceful. So beautiful. Such majesty.
Such strength. So smart. I feel comfortable that wherever she lands in the
world, she will more than hold her own. She is remarkably capable. And I know
that she will find fun. And other people to share it with. She is a magnet for
fun people of substance. She loves to laugh. And she seeks adventure.
Father snores as his wife gets into her dressing gown…
Our household is changed forever. Kimi has already moved
into Jazzy’s room. Any feelings of loss he may have had for his sister seem
well and truly countered by the fact that he could move out of the shoebox size
room he’s inhabited over the last decade, and into the luxury of the largest bedroom
in the house, equipped with a queen size bed. Tori will set up a studio in Kimi’s
old room, back where it was before he was born. Finn is now the eldest child in our midst. A new role for him, even as he becomes an adult himself. Changing and growing. You can’t
stop progress.
Friday morning, at nine o'clock she is far away…
I’ve been addicted to international travel since my first
experience of it, which was at the same age that Jazz is now. And I’ve managed
to somehow set up a life for myself that has been able to support that
addiction. Work that provides me regularly with the opportunity to travel overseas. And I
have a willingness to spend money that I earn on travelling for leisure. The
excited part of me is looking forward to meeting up with Jazzy in as many far
flung places as I can. Be that over the coming months or however many years. However
long she is away from us. As well as travelling with the family, the two of us
have travelled internationally together as adults a couple of times now. And we
have fun. I look forward to more. I look forward to hanging out with my
incredible girl wherever it may be. It just won’t be here for a while. Not in
Melbourne. Not in Warrandyte.
She's leaving home. Bye bye.
