Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Dear Alcohol,

You have been one of the great loves of my life, but as much as it saddens me, I think it is time for us to part ways. We have shared some fantastic times together you and I, really since it all began when I was a boy in high school. I recall how you took me by surprise when I was only fifteen years old and you were the older woman. You were far from gentle with me, flirting with me outrageously and then leading me on through a night of hilarity that ultimately resulted in me waking up the next morning in a pool of my own vomit. I learned early of the tough love that you are capable of giving and the respect that I needed to show you, even though on occasions over the years that respect may have slipped. We shared times together in many exotic locations. Rum in Barbados. Shochu in Tokyo. Guinness in Dublin. Long Island Iced Teas in California. Champagne in France. Raki in Turkey. Mekong whiskey in Thailand. Retsina in Greece. Grappa in Italy. Vodka in Poland. And many many beers and wines in every country that I have set foot in. Remember those intoxicating days of love when we shared each other's company for months on end in campgrounds around Europe? And countless nights out with strangers in bars across the US and Asia and, of course, Australia. Or even those nights in, just staying at home and chilling together at our place. You were the perfect partner, comfortable in any environment and happy to accompany me everywhere. You were even happy in my more promiscuous days, to have regular threesomes with me and my other old love, cannabis. What more could a man ask for from his partner? The three of us truly had some wild times and for quite some period were almost inseparable. I felt blessed to have two such beautiful lovers. And even after nights where things seemed to have got completely out of hand, leaving me with feelings of regret and a queasy stomach, you have usually been able to settle me the next day in a very forgiving way.

But I guess those heady days had to come to an end at some stage. I know that we have had our short periods of separation in the past. Sometimes where I would leave you to instead have an exclusive relationship with cannabis. I'd almost shun you, quite rudely as if you no longer meant anything to me. But I knew that you were still always there for me as faithful as ever when I'd come back to you. And you did always take me back.

But despite the fact that we have shared such amazing times, I think now that I need to make a clean break from you. There is no other love to take your place this time. Cannabis and I are also through, not really seeing each other regularly for quite some time now. In fact I'm not sure yet how I'm going to fill the void that I'm sure you'll leave. But it seems that hanging with you recently has led to a few other bad decisions on my part that have helped weaken my body. So I can't see you any more. Not at all. To spend time with you periodically will be too difficult for me to bear. I'm sure that that would cause us to slip back into our old ways and next thing we know we'll be shacked up together again. I know that you already enjoy relationships with many many other men and women. Ours has never been an exclusive relationship. So forgive me if I need to leave a party or a function or a gathering where I see you getting intimate with other people in the room. I may not be able to watch. And so it is with heavy heart that I bid you a fond adieu. 

With love and best wishes for your many other relationships,
Greg